QUESTION NUMBER 3 - Why does he keep coming back?
I keep dumping my narcissist - and he keeps coming back for more. I accept him (can't resist
him when he is his charming self). But then things go awry and the cycle repeats itself. Why does he keep coming back?
Narcissists are addicted to a drug known as "Narcissistic Supply". Attention (good OR bad), adulation,
applause, fame, celebrity, notoriety - are all narcissistic supply. The people who supply these consistently, reliably, and
predictably, are called "Narcissistic Supply Sources".
Why should the narcissist look for another source of supply if the current source of supply is
available (always accepts him back)?
Cultivating a source of secondary narcissistic supply is a VERY time consuming and energy consuming
affair. The path of least resistance (reverting to old sources) is always preferred.
The old source has the advantage of having recorded memories of past grandeur. Her very "surrender"
and "yielding to his charms" IS the supply he seeks.
He sort of pushes the envelope, trying to ascertain and map the outer limits of his potency as
irresistible male and mate. The more tortured the relationship - the sweeter the recurrent victory. This is doubly true when
the narcissist is in the throes of life crises such as loss of a job, divorce, serious illness, etc.
He then tends to derive self esteem and a sense of self worth by proxy, by being associated with
a successful woman
You may wish to refresh your memory regarding libidinal allocation in pathological narcissists:
Your narcissist keeps coming back and remains fixated on you because he has no free libido to
employ in the pursuit of alternative sources. And because you keep accepting him back.
Go Back to Home Page!
Frequently Asked Questions about Pathological Narcissism
Excerpts from the Archive of the Narcissism List
The Narcissism List Home Page
After the Rain - How the West Lost the East
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Suite101
Internet: A Medium or a Message?
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